If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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