the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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