tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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