Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
