Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
