I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
