Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
