You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
