Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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