i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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