just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
