not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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