So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
