Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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