I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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