you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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