Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize