i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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