Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
