Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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