he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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