i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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