sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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