My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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