Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
