Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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