I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
