There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
