I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
