HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
