I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
