I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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