"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you made out with another girl for some wings
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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