she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize