hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
