That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
