I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
