Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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