I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
