dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
