he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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