so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize