I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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