I don't think brook has ever known best
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
