he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize