Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They have beer where we have blood.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
