ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
