i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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