is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
