I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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