And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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