dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
