you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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