Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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