Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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