I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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