i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
pop tarts are not kleenex
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
