I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
