I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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