he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
