He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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