I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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