the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
