Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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