it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
