Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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