I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
