So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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