I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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