i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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