I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can I color on your dick again?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
