i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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