We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
