i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
