you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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