I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
