Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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