Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
