no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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