Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize