and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
