God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
