the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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