3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
