so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
