i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
